Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
be right there i have to get my cape
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
