grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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