my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
