get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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