I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
