Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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