You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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