just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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