i was rollin on her like bob the builder
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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