I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
