Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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