i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
