Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
