I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
