I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
