i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They took my balls.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize