Don't make out with my wife yet
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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