I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
