i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
