STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
