Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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