An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
