It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
