Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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