Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
