He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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