if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
