She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
