There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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