What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
