he told me I talked like a deaf person
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
