There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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