Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
