Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
