Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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