Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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