operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
