Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
