Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
