walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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