My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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