I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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