when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
