i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
