you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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