I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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