Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
