Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize