My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize