I think I am morally bankrupt
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
