Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
