What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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