After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
