I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize