...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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