I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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