I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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