Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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