By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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