he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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