Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
