I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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