he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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