Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
