He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
