Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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