Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
