i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
