I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
