well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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