it was like his penis was on wheels.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
