so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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