she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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