Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
