Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
