Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
