Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
