I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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