last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
