Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize