Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
