How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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