How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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