I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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