Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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