I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
