He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
